"Two Popes Rap,"

by Eben

In response to a Cal Thomas Article about the Vatican's Endorsement of Evolutionary Theory, in which the noted columnist called the pope, John Paul, the veteran of the Cold War era


Cold War veteran of the age,

John Paul turned a somber page. “Evolution is no theory”--

evidence he has grown weary.

Primate with a miter cap

proves there is no actual gap.

We need not search, it’s in our home,

that Missing Link, just like in Rome.

What is that? I see a tail

curling round St. Peter’s rail.

“Virgin Mary”--she’s next to go,

with “Resurrected Christ” in tow.

They concede we're random bits

thrown together by chance hits.

Starting from the “simple cell”

(the usual nonsense that they tell)

all life grew to what we see,

pond scum on to rocketry.

Yet the Word of God is plain,

this view of thing is quite insane.

God created heaven, earth,

by His Word, He gave them birth.

The A.C.L.U. abhors this view,

sitting smug in John Paul’s pew

applauding, cheering the latest bull

by which the Bible’s rendered null.

Deny God and what He did,

you open up Pandora’s lid.

If no Creator, there’s no law

to save us from the lion’s jaw.

If O.J. Simpson leaps on you,

don’t you claim your right to sue!

Whatever some thug likes to do

should be just okay with you.

After all, without God’s laws,

you’ve opted for Great White shark jaws.


Oh, gimme a little tail, will ya, huh?

Curl it round the rail, will ya, huh?

Gosh, oh gee, lookee, lookee me,

I’ve grown into old Darwin’s monkey.

Oh, gimme a little tail...

(Repeat, and FADE)


Evolution is crowned Pope,

a new religion without hope.

It lacks a single Missing Link,

just believe it, and don’t think!

God formed man after His image--

no monkey in a wire cage.

He spoke to man, not animals,

we’re not the same as cock and bulls.

Kill a man, you break God’s law.

Pluck a carrot, eat it raw

and the carrot blesses you,

no blame at all can thus ensue.

And that bear? It’s your decision.

Eating meat is God’s provision.

Foolish people ignore God’s Word

when they pass a law absurd,

turning Pontiff fallible,

pontificating against the Bible.

Behind their tears for baited bear

is rebellion that will tear

all human value into shreds

and hang on belts nice shrunken heads.

What God has said is for our good,

obey Him as His creature should.

God’s laws are best, since they will

bless us with unfailing happiness.

Spencer, Darwin, and Huxley

hatched a vain philosophy:

“Man is purposeless, no aim,

random dust from whence he came.

Species too, the best win out,

Selection rules the roost--no doubt.”

Where is God in this dark game?

Fools cancel out His Name.

Appointed chief, no animal,

Adam ruled in his role.

One job was to name each kind,

and Adam did so (what a mind!).

To keep the Garden up to snuff,

Adam trimmed the trees enough.

The best part was his special talk

as God and he took a long walk.

No tiger, insect, or giraffe

could walk with God and fellowship.

God and man went hand in hand--

Creator and His perfect man.

Signet of God’s creation,

man was a rare, fine-cut diamond.

Why not praise Him, face to face?

God made THE HUMAN RACE! (5)


(Refrain 2):

Lord of Heaven and of Earth,

I thank You, for You gave me birth..

For Your Gift of Life I treasure

accept my gratitude full-measure.

As You said in Your own Word,

a contrite spirit’s always heard.

Take me as Your loving child,

keep me always humble, mild.

Your kingdom, Lord, will never cease,

Yeshua, Jesus, Prince of Peace.


Dedicated to Cal Thomas, Columnist, Los Angeles Times Syndicate, for the article, “Pope Shows Shaky Belief in the Bible as He Nods to Theory of Evolution,” Seattle P-I, 10-31-96; (1) Pope John Paul II; (2) Genesis 1:1; (3) “Thou shalt not kill.”--Exodus 20:13; (4) Genesis 9:3; Psalm 8:3-9.